I usually write about adventures, near, far, and occasionally introspective or creative. Only recently have I begun to talk and write about adventures of the heart. Only recently have I had anything to write about…
After years of being single, one day the right guy walked into my life. I spoke about this recently on stage in front of thousands of people (video), and here are a few more thoughts and resources I wanted to share for those feeling single and stuck.
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. ~Ranier Marie Rilke
BEING SINGLE, DATING & COMMUNICATING
In the two books below, I found some solace about being single and learned something about how I date and what I need to feel secure in that relationship.
Sara Eckle’s book, It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single, debunks all the stupid things people say to people who’ve been single a while. I saw myself in Eckle’s story and felt immensely reassured by it. This is the book I recommend most often! The short version: Sometimes, It’s Not You (NY Times).
In Attached, I learned about my attachment style, something commonly discussed with respect to children, but only recently applied to adults. Profiles of poor communication among couples rang true of my earlier relationships, and the later chapters reminded me of the tenants of effective communication, a key piece of this puzzle.
I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. By Melanie Notkin.
An honorable human relationship — that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word ‘love’ — is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other. It is important to do this because it breaks down human self-delusion and isolation. It is important to do this because in so doing we do justice to our own complexity. It is important to do this because we can count on so few people to go that hard way with us. ~Adrienne Rich
WHAT & HOW
In the two books below, I recognized the kind of relationship I want — one that pushes each of us to pursue our purposes, even if that means being apart sometimes, and one that stays strong without being suffocating.
Where the myth fails, human love begins. ~Anaïs Nin
Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new.” ~Ursula K. Le Guin